Run With Me

Friends, it's time for some real talk here. My body confidence is in the crapper right now. I have been doing a bit of reading about all the various things that might be wrong with my body that is making me feel tired, sore, gassy, bloated, low energy, etc. but I am not very hopeful that anything I find is going to help me fix it.

And all of this is causing some weight gain, which starts a painful cycle that I know all too well.

It's actually a good thing that I can recognize these feelings now for what they are. They are annoying. They suck up good energy and brain space that I could be using for other, more fun/important things.

So I practice gratitude for the things my body can do, the tasty food I can make and eat, and the fun I have while being active.

And I start running again. Because running dials in the body-joy so very fast. I'm getting happy just thinking about it!

Going back through this label - Fat/Fit Diaries - is a shocker to me. My focus is in such a different place now. Each photo and posts screams LISA, but how do I get back the parts that made me feel so strong, and healthy, and beautiful, and full of energy, while keeping true to the growth I've gone through over the past 8 years?

I guess that's just a livelong lesson eh?

xo

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Fat/Fit Diaries - Magic Vest

First things first. I haven't weighed myself in many (many years). At least 6 years I think. I don't care how much I weigh, and I don't think that particular metric ever helped me:

a) Feel good about myself

b) Find inspiration or motivation to "eat healthy", or exercise, or "lose weight" or blah-blah-blah

In fact, I think weighing myself was a huge barrier to feeling positive about my body, being inspired and motivated to be healthy and to think about what I was doing (or not doing) that might impact my mental and physical health over the long run.

Gaining one or two pounds - which can happen when you go camping, or eat a piece of cake, or have a few beers with dinner all of which are things I do often - sent me into a spiral of guilt, and shame, and negative thoughts.

So I put the scale away. And I started to lose weight. And I had precious extra bars in my mental and physical energy reserves to spend on positive things.

And I started to pay attention to how I felt, how my clothes looked and felt on my body, my energy levels, and my mood. Those were better indicators of my overall health than any numbers on a scale could ever give me.

But that doesn't mean I gave up more tangible metrics when I gave up the scale.

You see, I have this vest.

I like this vest. It was a triumphant second hand purchase many years ago. And it looks good, I look good in it! And you can wear vests open without buttoning them up, so that's how I wore it. It didn't matter that I couldn't button it up, because it still looked good!

But on my "skinniest" days, I could button it up...all the way up. What an energy boost I would get on those days! Magic!

But the true magic in the vest, was that even on the days I couldn't button it up, I still felt good!

I haven't been able to button it up for at least a year, but I did the other day. So I knew that I was back on track. But, I mean, I knew it already because I have been feeling better, more energetic, more positive and happy. And at the moment I finished buttoning up that last button, all those other feelings were more important.

But I don't need this vest anymore. I have moved past it, just like I moved past needing to see those numbers on the scale.

So I donated it to Value Village last week.

I had a moment of panic this morning when I saw how damn fine I looked in the first photo, wearing my snazzy Magic Vest. But I got over it.

It is, after all, just a vest.

xo

Writer's Note: My attitude toward weight loss, exercise, eating healthy, and all of the talk and terms that come with that has evolved over the years. Society tells us that if we lose weight we are doing things right (and conversely, if we are fat, we are doing things wrong), and some of my previous posts might have seemed to supported those beliefs. I don't think anyone's worth is defined by the size of the clothes they wear. I also know that some people find a lot of inspiration and motivation in checking the numbers on a scale, so I don't want to diminish that. I just want to put it out there that there are other ways to feel good about yourself without buying into the "thin = happy" rhetoric.

Fat/Fit Diaries - Body & Mind Positivity

'i love myself'
the
quietest.
simplest.
most powerful.
revolution.
ever.

-ism

by Nayyirah Waheed

I have been getting really pissed off by the "body positivity" messages I've been reading online lately. Women who represent the traditional perception of "beauty" - thin, white, long hair, symmetrical features, professional-looking makeup, cis, able-bodied, can afford nice clothes and personal trainers - telling me to "love my body" no matter what it looks like. Fuck off! What the hell do you know?

But what the hell do I know about what the hell they know?

I am mad that they dominate the conversation around body positivity, but I am still learning how to turn my anger into something productive. That's a big, hard lesson.

I want to read and learn via people with marginilized identities who are trying to change the world. I want to fill the hole that I see and feel in these "body positivity" mommy blogs that still only represent privileged white women.

I don't know how I am going to do that. But I am going to start by continuing to diversify my reading. It always comes back to reading for me. All. Ways.

I actually really love myself and my body, and I am not ashamed to say that here. But that is not the beginning or the end of this story.

Anyhoo, I took these photos because I thought I looked cuuuute, and sometimes it's just as simple as that.
- I decided that pink pearls were totes appropriate for "Easter" Dinner at my Dad's house.
- Braiding my hair gives me an arm cramp, but it is worth it every time because: A) I look cuuute, and B) I can get away without washing my hair for one more day!
- These jeans didn't fit me last year, but they fit again, so that's something for me to feel good about.
- This is one of the few moments this weekend when it wasn't snowing.

xo

Further Reading:
9 Signs Your Body Positivity Could Be More Open-Minded
Weighting to be Seen: Being Fat, Black & Invisible in Body Positivity
Your Fat Stigma is Racist

2016 - In Looks

Hey folks. I have learned over the years - especially those years I as a "fashion blogger" - that people enjoy looking at pictures of other people wearing clothes.

Now, I'm no professional or anything. I don't have a tripod, or a real camera, or a team of stylists behind the images.

I just stick my phone on the nearest flat surface, set the timer, and hope for the best. And I am usually very satisfied with the results!

Why do I do this, you ask? Some (old dudes) might say I am a narcissist who just wants the accolades. But mostly I do it for two reasons:

1) It really helps me SEE MYSELF. Not only my body, and what clothes I like or look good in, but it helps me understand and visualize my identity.

2) Women see one kind of body in magazines which usually never looks like their body, and this is a huge factor about why the diet industry makes a kagillion dollars a year, and I think that's bullshit. So I want to show women that there are other bodies out there that are doing cool things, and living life, while looking damn awesome and being chubby or whatever.

So here is my Year In Looks showing off some of my favourite outfits from 2016.

Legs! // These leggings were the best investment BFF ever made

I wish this dress fit over my boobs better // I am a (dorky) wizard

Nasty Woman #imwithher // Canadian Tuxedo

Fave new patterned dress// Fave old patterned dress

BFM + Leopard print // Same skirt! Love reversible shit

(This skirt might be one of my best purchases of 2016, even though it's not my proudest moment.)

Birthday suit // RAD in sequins

This dress on repeat // This dress on repeat

Things I learned this year:

1) Sneakers go with everything.

2) I am really totally okay with having a small wardrobe.

3) I wear a lot of blue.

4) Sewing sequins on a shirt is ridiculous and also gorgeous

5) More flowy vests please

6) I am a damn fine babe

Here's to another year of being fabulous.

xo

I Love Me, Elephant Legs & All

I was trying very hard on this day to give my body the love and respect it deserves. It's a daily struggle sometimes.

"Elephant legs" is what I was thinking all day. In my "Dear Lisa" project I even included an entry about my thoughts on this:

"Dear Lisa. You may think your legs resemble those of an elephant but that's okay because elephants are fucking awesome (just like you)."

And I am awesome, and so are my elephant legs. And my butt and my belly and the sum of the parts and the whole. I think it's okay to need a reminder every now and then that we shouldn't take our bodies for granted, especially if they don't look like the bodies on display out there in the world. The bodies that we are supposed to want to emulate, and hate ourselves when we can't (or don't, or WON'T). Y'know...the "perfect" bodies. Ugh + Eye Roll.

I guess the most interesting "lesson" I took from this day, this moment, now in hindsight, is that the photo on the right has been chosen to feature in an edition of "Every Wear  Yeg" in the Edmonton Journal, the theme being "A Little Leg".

Go figure.
xo

Can We Talk About Something More Pleasant

I don't get to talk about why I'm a vegetarian. I get it. It's a tough subject to bring up because no one wants to listen to a militant vegan shout at you for eating honey (it happens...)

But you know what I do get to talk about, that I really don't want to talk about?

Your Diet.

I have a lot of feelings about this one, and they all boil down to the fact that it has taken me a lot of years to be really okay with the fact that my body looks the way it does, the way that society tells me I should not be happy about. And your diet talk and body talk brings all those shit feelings back. So please try to understand when I change the topic, or disengage, or walk away from this conversation.

I have been trying to put my feelings toward this into a blog post for awhile now, because it's getting really unbearable at work and with my friends. (Probably because it's going to be "bikini season" soon and please just shoot me now...)

And then I saw this post on Everyday Feminism, and I saw my feelings get put into words! Smart, good words that made sense, that I can use in my brain, and in my heart, and in my life.

All "8 Reasons Why I Don't Want To Hear About Your Diet" were SPOT ON, but one really hit home for me.

#4. I am bigger than you.

This one. This one hurts the most. When you talk about how much your fat body disgusts you, and how eating this cookie is going to make you so fat, or how you really need to lose this "extra weight" you shame yourself and you shame me. I'M FAT! I ate that cookie! My lunch was pizza with extra cheese instead of a salad with dressing on the side! I am doing and being all the things that make you cringe, that make you talk about your stupid diet!

What do you see when you see my body existing beside you everyday? Do you think I'm gross? Do I disgust you with my happy fat? If I asked you that, you would probably say no because you are my friend, but every time you use fat-shaming language to talk about your body, you are fat-shaming me. I get that you aren't even thinking about me when you talk like this, but maybe you should consider the people around you when you "bash your own weight" (as the author says).

The part that hurts my heart the most, and that makes me turn away and disengage, is the underlying message you are sending to me about your body, and my body, and other women's bodies around you. That I must be skinny to be happy. And that's bullshit.

Did you know that there isn't a single scientific study that proves that weight loss is the magic "cure all" for health problems that people claim it is?

Did you know that there is no long term data showing that there is ANY weight loss system or diet plan out there that allows participants to keep the weight "off" for a sustained period of time?

That the data we have actually proves that something like 95% of people who diet will not sustain their weight loss.

AND that most people who diet actually gain back MORE weight than what they lost?

So not only do I not want to hear about your diet talk because it hurts me, it also reminds me about the shit messages that we are bombarded with everyday that make us hate ourselves and buy more stuff to feel good about ourselves and then end up hating ourselves even more.

No thanks. I have happily excised myself from this vicious cycle and I don't need my friends and people that I care about trying to pull me back in.

I really enjoyed her point at the end, when she writes that she will not congratulate her friends on their weight loss, because...

"While I wish you well, I know the odds are stacked against you, and I don’t want to contribute to any shame you’re likely to experience if/when the weight returns.

I value you no matter what your body size."

I value myself and I value your friendship, and it has nothing to do with your presence or lack of muffin top.

xo

p.s. Quotes taken from 8 Reasons Why I Don't Want To Hear About Your Diet
Also, I realize I have not touched on some other issues surrounding diet talk, or dieting, or being a small fat person talking about this, but please take this as author bias only, and not a specific attempt to subvert or misdirect. There are of course other conversations to have, and I am only scratching the surface. These opinions are mine alone, and are incomplete. But I'm trying!

Looking Back - My Journey As A Runner

I fucking hate looking back at some blog posts from a couple of years ago. I can now identify the things I was feeling and thinking that I didn't recognize back then because I was too close, and too filled with doubts and questions. I have now lived their outcome. It's also sad because there were so many things that I was excelling at - despite my broken heart - that I have given up in the years since. Like running.

selfie taken spring (summer?) 2013 - damn fine gams

To be honest, I really love running. And my specific running related goal this year is to start running at least twice a week, increasing to 3 times a week in the spring.

As Jill likes to say, "a goal without a plan is just a wish." So I bought a membership at a gym with an indoor track. And I have an informal ongoing date with BFF to go running together. And I use a running app, and I do watch my time and try to "beat" it every time I hit the track.

And my ultimate goal is to be faster and to run longer distances.

But you'll note I didn't get very specific and include "run a 5k" on this year's list.

This was one of my major goals back in 2013, when I was going through some of the biggest changes of my adult life. I actually couldn't stand being at home, so I would go running every night. It's sad that those circumstances got me in the best physical shape of my life. My ex read my goals on my blog (he never read my blog), and enrolled us in a 5k through his work because he wanted to help me reach my goal. And we ran the 5k together. And it was awesome and sad at the same time.

But I did it! And despite all the other shit that was going on in my personal life, I was so very proud of myself.

And then we ran another 5k together the year after. And again, it was so awesome to have someone I trusted running by my side! But to already have moved on and know that whatever running goals I would set in the future, he wouldn't be part of them...that was sad and coloured the experience for me.

So I include "running" on my 2016 Goals, but I just can't put "run a 5k" on my damn goal sheet. Too much heartache there.

photos from our Colour Me Rad run, July 2014

But I would like to get back there, back to that feeling I had when I completed a 5k with a friend/lover by my side. That was damn fine. I guess it's not just my body that needs the 5k training...it's my heart too.

xo

"Too much Lisa"

I started writing a post the other day about my "weight loss journey" (gawd barf), and it got away from me.

Feelings, people. Feelings.

Being fat, and then thin, and then fat again and being happy throughout feels rebellious.

Not hating my old body/new body/newer old body feels revolutionary.

But I am not a revolutionary. And I am not a rebel.

Or am I?

I don't think that post will see the light of day. I get vocal, I drop all the F-bombs.

I get emotional. And that's okay. It's an emotional subject.

And it's just a little too much Lisa for this space.

But I will leave you with this, because my closing remarks still seem relevant, and important to put out into the world. Perhaps you can even get a glimpse of the passion and excitement of the words that preceded these.

Tell me I am beautiful, but tell me I am strong also. Compliment me on my gratitude, and my fortitude. On my determination, and my creativity, and my passion.

If that is one thing I could tell women (and men, but especially women) is to compliment each other on all that we can do, all that we are. Not just our genetics, or how we cut our hair.

And most importantly, tell your daughters. TELL YOUR DAUGHTERS.

Tell her all the amazing things that make her awesome, smart, determined, excited, active, funny, fun. There are so many more adjectives in this world that can lift us up, and turn us around, and inspire us, and move us to be our best selves.

Unsolicited Gym Tips

I have been thinking alot lately about my connection to my body, and to the gym, and to working out and eating "right" and making it stronger, faster, awesomer.

I don't have all the answers, but a comment my sister made the other day about her first trip back to the gym after many years away checked off a box in my brain. I've got some answers, and I definitely have reassurance.

You see, I never thought I would be a "gym person". But after years of going now (years! yay me!!), I can say with pride and satisfaction that I most definitely LOVE going to the gym. I feel comfortable there, and I know what I'm doing now. Hell, even when I don't precisely know what I'm doing, I pull it off with aplomb and grace and only fall over once or twice. HA!

Anyhoo, here are some "reassurances" for any of you out there reading this who might want to try a gym, but are feeling a smidge discomfort

1) You don't need fancy gym clothes to go to the gym! I wear this damn ugly, falling apart shirt. See those patches? Those are covering some mighty fine holes. But this shirt keeps me cool, doesn't stick to my body, and reminds me of how far I come. This used to be a shirt that fit me perfectly...

2) You don't need to have some sort of fancy routine. I LOVE Pinterest for good workout routines, and there are a couple of sites I rely on heavily. Maybe I'll do a separate post for those, if anyone is interested. Look at the pictures on the sides of the weight machines. They show you how to use the machine. Do some bicep curls. Everybody should know how to do those! Google "simple weightlifting moves" or something. Print it out, Pin it, and bring it with you. I've seen a guy with a big binder full of notes and routines printed out. That's a little crazy, but it's also totally fine! My one recommendation is to have everything in the same place and easy to access. There is this one young lady I see quite often and she has to scroll through dozens (and dozens) of photos to find the exercise she wants, so she ends up spending more time on her damn phone then anything (it's a plank dammit! you don't need a diagram!)

This one is from "POPSUGAR Fitness" and aside from some of the terrible titles on these printables, they are actually pretty amazing. Sorry for the shitty screen shot...just, go to their damn website. Or better yet, search for them on Pinterest!

3) You don't need to lift anything heavy. Start with a low weight, and a low set of reps, and don't be embarrassed about it! Everyone has to start somewhere, and starting slow (and safe) counts more than not starting at all! And you don't want to injure yourself...that's the most important thing.

4) If you don't know what you're doing, or how a certain machine works, ask somebody for help. Gym people are generally nice people! The trainers and staff are there to help you. And if they're bitchy bitches *cough*SpaLady*cough* then get yourself to another gym!! I hear that the Meadows (that's the new Rec Centre in Mill Woods) has like a "Gym Guy" that just walks around and helps people out! That's fucking awesome!! Use the "Gym Guy"!

5) You should probably break a sweat...just sayin... There's this one lady I see at the gym all the time, and she bikes slower than my grandma. And then she gets on the machines, and it doesn't seem like she is making an effort at all. She kind of just floats around. She's hilarious, and I love her, but this seems like a waste of an hour!

6) You can spend as little amount of time in there as you want/need/are able. I go during my lunch "hour". It takes me a couple minutes to drive there, then park, then get suited up. And I like to shower when I'm done (see point 4...I definitely break a sweat. I break all the sweats.), which takes another 5 minutes (I timed myself this one time). And then I have to drive back to the office. Overall, I get about 40 minutes of actual workout time. This includes warm up and stretching afterwards. When I was going to Spa Lady at the end of the day, I got maybe 20 minutes on the cardio machines and then they had to close. And you know what, that was better than nothing. On the weekends, when I have a little extra time, I like to go for an hour or more. And I love that extra time there, and I make the most of it. But I make the most of my 30-40 minute workouts too. It all counts!

7) There will be people there that are stronger than you! Or leaner. Or faster. Or whatever. And they might be intimidating. Just focus on YOUR workout, because they're just focused on theirs. Trust me.

And you know what's really cool? If you keep going, and putting in the time and effort, one day you will be that person at the gym who intimidates the newbie.

Everyone has to start somewhere.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's lunch time and I'm off to the gym.

Sometimes when I run...

I walk.

I dream.

I empty my mind.

I write about a dozen fucking amazing, insightful, clever, witty & funny blog posts...and forget them all immediately.

xo Lisa

Kicking My Own Ass...

And loving it!

I found a bunch of "printable" circuits on Pinterest, pinned them, and then found myself actually needing an exercise set one Saturday morning. This Saturday morning to be precise:

And I picked one at random, that seemed to have moves that were actually plausible for me to do. And it kicked my ass! My legs were sore for four days after! That's my kind of workout!!

The best part I found was how uncomplicated it was. Weights, stretches, movements that could be captured with a couple of images. Simple movements that most people already know how to do. And there were enough different moves in the circuit that I felt that my whole body was really getting worked out. And I never got bored. And my fat was just bawling.

Good things, all good things.

So if you are trying to find somewhere to start, and just walking around outside isn't cutting it for you anymore, check out Fit Sugar Printables.

Please do yourself a favour and ignore any mention of "trouble zones" or "bikini ready" or "beach season is coming!" or whatever crap marketing tools these websites to make women feel like shit about their bodies and buy whatever they are selling. Blargh!

Here are some of the key words I look for in any exercise program or printable or whatever. Strengthening, muscle-building, cardio, core, energy, full-body, no equipment needed...those are the important words.

Here's my Pinterest board if you're interested: Body Inspired

Just because I can't afford a membership at a "real" gym, doesn't mean I can't work out on my own. All it takes it a little bit of planning, commitment, and a set of light weights. Hell, I can do most of these circuits while Lucas is getting ready for bed, or whenever. It's not rocket science, yo!

No more excuses Lisa.

Nothing To See Here

As a person who has struggled with her weight for most of her memory, every day feeling great and "on track" is celebrated! And unfortunately, there is always that lingering doubt and fear that those days are too good to be true.

I have been doing really good for the past three years. Unbelievably good. But for the past six months or so, I feel as though all my good habits are fading and I am getting lazy. And I am forgetting.

I don't believe in diets, and fads, and shakes, and "plans". I don't believe in weighing myself every week. Or ever, really. I believe in eating good, whole food. I believe in moving my body. I believe in sleep, and rest, and calming my mind. I believe that this "journey" (if you want to call it that) is different for every person, and that there is no one size fits all solution. I believe in listening to my body.

And right now my body is saying, "I can't take it anymore".

It seems as though all these HUGE LIFE STRESSES have happened within a couple of weeks of each other. I moved out. My boss (and mentor really, let's call it what it is) went on an indefinite leave of absence. There are new pressures, new schedules to adjust to, difficult conversations to have, and so much "unknowns" to face.

My stress levels are through the bloody roof and I pick this month to let my gym membership expire. Good one Lisa...geeze. And because my stress is so high, I fall back and I forget and I get lazy about the things that I know I need to do to keep myself healthy and strong. Both physically and mentally.

I have learned within the past couple of years that my body and wheat do not get along. "Gluten free" is a popular buzz word as of late, and I realize that it might appear I have jumped on the bandwagon, but remember what I wrote above about listening to my body. Well, when I eat certain foods my body feels like garbage. For days. I am still trying to figure out all the triggers (bread yes, beer no...thank goodness!), but lately I seem to be eating all of them.

That's the stress taking control. ARGH!

I believe in myself, and I know that I can get back on track. I did it before. I know things about myself that I didn't know then.

I also believe that every step is a step forward, and that there are no such things as steps back. Setbacks, maybe. Learning opportunities, you bet!

I just need to remember how far I have come! And how proud I am of myself for getting this far. I need to remember that there are many people who are just as proud of me, and that those people are my support system when things start to crash down around my feet.

Things I know...
- I NEED THE GYM! I can work out on my own just fine, but I need that singular focus that leaving my house and going somewhere specifically dedicated to working out provides.
- I love running. And I really miss it. This is both a physical activity and a meditation for me. And that's becoming even more necessary now.
- I can't eat wheat without it completely messing up my mind and body. No cheating Lisa!!
- Dairy makes me itchy. Really, ridiculously itchy. What's up with that?!
- It takes a strong person to ask for help.
- I still don't care how much I weigh! Ha! Heck, I don't even own a scale anymore!
- I am so beautiful...

I wrote this one for me...

later loves

I RAN!

my route, February 12, 2014

2.4km

After what seems like forever, but was really only a few months. And it felt amazing. I'm a little slower than I was last fall, but the motions and the muscle memory came back right away, and I impressed myself with how well I did for how long my break was.

But I went at 9 p.m., in the dark and the -18 degrees cold cold night, and it took forever for me to warm back up! I NEED BETTER GEAR!!

I am already looking forward to exploring my new neighbourhood on my runs. See that big green swath on the left? That's a massive ravine with loads of great running trails! Best to save that for daylight I think. Wink.

Have you done anything lately that you're SUPER PROUD OF?
Do share!

later loves

It's Bikini Time

And pat-on-the-back time, because I wore one everyday! Except the first day. As soon as we got registered, and the porter brought our bags to our room, Dude & I put on our suits and jumped in the pool that was literally right outside our door. Let the vacation begin with a bang! I put my regular suit on, my backup suit, because I still wasn't sure. I still wasn't feeling 100% confident.

But by day two, I thought: "I am in Mexico with my family and a bunch of drunk buddies of my brother. I can do this!"

(I was photo-bombed many times...I love my family...)

And I think I pulled it off with aplomb. I felt great, beautiful, and I got an amazing tan! HA!

My boobs & ass only popped out once. Well, twice, because I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Getting out of the pool is tough when you are only wearing a smattering of fabric. Yep.

And I didn't leave the dork at home. No sirree...

I survived my first bikini test run! And now I am looking for any excuse to wear it again. Anyone planning any backyard pool parties in the near future?

I'm halfway decent at canonballs!

later loves

Bliss-ologie!

I've got a post up on Bliss-ologie today!

Zumba Changed My Life

There is so much more that I could have added to that post...but I think it got my main point across. I hope it did. Also, there are "before" and "during" photos, which I know Nadine likes so much!

And I'm hoping that writing those posts becomes a little easier. No, "easier" isn't the right word. I'm hoping that they continue to challenge me, but also that they become a little smoother and help me work on my writing. Better? I dunno...I guess I need all the help I can get! HA!

Just go read it why don't you?

UPDATED: Treasured Memories also posted some of my layouts over their way today! Lisa is taking over the Internet! HA!

later loves

Oh my gosh, it's my sweet ass

while working out!

I like to wear an ironic Doctor Who t-shirt and a pair of comfy shorts. And shoes.

And that's that.

One of the Spa Lady ladies was trying to figure out my shirt the other day. I spent some time explaining it to her. I still don't think she got it.

It was windy out today! And while I don't normally wear my gym clothes outside of the gym, I was in a rush today. On a side note, this outfit also applies to "What to Wear to pick up some last minute groceries at the local Sav-On." Hey hot stuff...

Please check out Nicole's blog for the list of the other ladies in the What to Wear family. Thanks for stopping by! I'm supposed to be working on a post for Bliss-ologie right now, that goes live on Friday...so I should really stop typing and move on. Stop Lisa. Just stop...

later loves

Umm Lisa, I can see your bra

Yes. Yes you can. I wanted to see if I could be one of those ladies who wears a super cute, sheer blouse and look totally amaze-balls and confident and pull it off.

Mission accomplished.

At least, I'd like to think so.

I have realized that it is not the role of the fashion blogger to be conceited and narcissistic and say - through style post after style post - "Look how gorgeous & fabulous I am...yessirree I sure am. And look at all my famous brands, and new gear yo! Aren't I so popular and have such a fabulous wardrobe, and don't you just want to look just like me?!". At least, that's not how I feel about my various Fashion Un-Able posts. I started posted my outfits and documenting my life in clothes as a way to feel awesome and confident about the choices I was making for my body. And to figure out what made me feel good and project myself truthfully. And what made me feel shitty, and less than stellar. And as my body changed, it was even more important to help me see how far I have come, and how much my identity is set in stone, and yet changing at the same time. It is visual proof that I am completely worth every extra minute spent in the Value Village change rooms of the world deciding if I could really pull off that pant suit (dear lord, no), and if that sheer blouse really was the best choice (yes!). And it is (hopefully) inspiring to other ladies people out there who feel a little less than stellar about their appearance, and the image they put out there in the world.

It does matter, but maybe not in the way you think it does.

It matters if you are hiding behind your clothes. It matters if what you look like on the outside doesn't reflect how you feel on the inside. It means something to be confident in how you look and how you hold yourself. This matters.

You don't have to be THE best dressed fashionista out there. You just need to be the best dressed YOU that you can be. This matters.

Clothes can make you feel confident, and beautiful, and powerful! This outfit makes me feel all those things. I was just going out for coffee with BFF (and I think we did a little star-gazing afterwards...hello Jupiter...), but it never hurts to "dress to impress".

And, well, let's be honest. I do these posts because I am a tad bit of a narcissist. With an ass like mine, how could you not be?

You bet that matters!

later loves

"Oh Rexy, You're So Sexy"

FYI Most of my pop-culture references come from one of three sources: Simpsons, Star Trek TNG, and Empire Records. The title of this blog post is from the latter. If you haven't seen that movie, and yet enjoy 90s culture (for its ridiculousness, please), you should go watch it. Go. Right now. I'll wait.

Anyhoo...what I wanted to chat about in this post is bikinis. My new goal-setting, brave self thought it would be a genius idea to make an "appointment" in my calendar to BUY A BIKINI before my brother's Mexico wedding in June.

Well this date is fast approaching - as his fiance and all of her friends like to keep posting on Facebook - and because of that, so is my "buy bikini" appointment with myself.

Y'know...I had a whole post written up about me overcoming my past, and being confident in myself despite the bullies that reside there in my memory. But it felt like bullshit. It felt like I was writing about what I should feel rather than what I do feel.

'Cause to be honest, I left those jackasses behind years ago. I mean, it was junior high and high school. Pretty much everyone is an asshole during those "formative" years, and I barely cared what they said back then. So why should I carry that baggage in to adulthood?

Frankly, I think I look damn hot. I've got self-confidence shooting out every which way, and I am proud that I can see how far I have come and be proud of myself! And not compare myself to any voice in my head that isn't my own.

That being said, I still need to work up to this. I need to see the changes in my body, and I need to see that date on the calendar, and I need to feel really great about myself before even attempting the great Bikini Shop of 2013.

I have no body shame issues (cause that's just silly....) but I do have concerns with the amount of flesh I will be showing off to my family (it's a family trip people) compared to what I normally show them (ummm....mostly none) and mostly I just haven't worn a bikini since I was a little kid so this is a BIG DEAL PEOPLE! A BIG DEAL!!

.....to me, at least.

But shopping has begun, and will continue in earnest. And damn are bikinis ever expensive?! What the deuce?! For so little fabric...I mean, honestly.

later loves

p.s. I am very confident that I have already used the above image in a post....like almost 100% confident! And also 100% too lazy to go back through the archives to find it. This proves two things:
#1. I reference Rex Manning far too often to be considered healthy.
#2. I'm fricken awesome.

"I can't sleep" (and) "It's all about attitude"

According to current scientific and medical knowledge, I am on the cusp of becoming an old woman. All that "great" stuff that comes with being a mature individual starts to rear its ugly head right around this time in a lady's life. Peri-menopause symptoms can start as early as age 33 (that's my next birthday!), and all my best child-bearing years are behind me (not too worried about that one). My wrinkles will only get deeper & more plentiful, my hair greyer (& thinner), my boobs droopier (yep...went there). My bones will thin, my eyes will fail, my gums will receded & my teeth will be harder to clean. It will take me longer to recover from injuries, and it will be harder to lose weight. Granted, this is a bit of a laundry list, and not everything will hit with the same power at the same time, but it's all looming up on me.

Indeed, I am already starting to see some of these "symptoms". This is not hypochondria or that problem that med students have when they start studying diseases and think they have each one! This is legit, yo. And it starts with the whole "I can't sleep" thing.

I work with enough "ladies of a certain age" to know that sleeping is an issue with all of them. Falling asleep, staying asleep, getting good quality sleep...if it's not one issue it's another, sometimes all at once. Sometimes the issue is snoring partners, but that's best left to another post! HA!

And lately I have noticed that I wake up in the night more often than I have before. And when my alarm rings in the morning, I have a really hard time waking up and getting out of bed. I feel exhausted, but I go to bed so early! But on the weeks when I really take care of myself and go to the gym and eat well, my sleep quality is improved! And I feel better on the whole, both mentally and physically. And knowing that I have that kind of control over my well-being is so wonderful, and positive! 

Please do not take this post as a complaint against ageing. I am not afraid of getting old, of watching those birthdays fly by. The more I think on it, the more I realize that I am so much more comfortable in my own skin now than I have ever been, and I only see that situation improving every year.

I want to age gracefully, and gratefully, and I want to be the best old person I can be. And the healthiest. I don't want to live forever, but I want the rest of my life to be the BEST years of my life.

I want to continue to be comfortable in my own skin, but recognize that this skin is changing and that I will need to adapt my lifestyle - and attitude - accordingly. To make the most out of the good, and mitigate the bad.

And I am going to find a Doctor! I have a confession to make. I haven't seen a medical doctor since just after Lucas was born, and that was to check my lady parts, if you know what I mean. He turns 8 this August. I am not necessarily ashamed of this, as it is hard to find a good, consistent not medi-centre-related jerk-Dr. in this town (sigh...), but I know this situation needs to change. Especially if I have any kind of health issues going in to the future, I want someone to have my history so they can spot those changes & problems before they get out of hand.

Mostly I just want to be flexible and give myself all the necessary tools - mentally & physically - to weather these changes that I can see close on the horizon.

Ultimately, I believe that you are only as old as you feel, and most days I don't feel so old! I feel just right! That's not to say that I have my whole life figured out or something. One thing at a time, eh?!

later loves

Save me from myself!

Hello my name is Lisa, & I have a problem....with clothes.

But it's a good problem, I promise! Sort of...

You see, ever since I have become such a skinny hottie (HA!) I've had to completely update my wardrobe. And I am continually culling items from my closet that don't fit me anymore, or just aren't really my style and don't work with other pieces I have.

And that first big cull resulted in a pretty sad & empty closet. So I had to fill it up. And it took awhile, but fill it up I did! And now it is very full, but I keep on buying stuff...

All of a sudden clothes fit me, and fit me well, and I look good in them...and I feel good in them. So I want to buy pretty much whatever I can get my hands on. Yep...there's the problem. And it doesn't seem to matter that my closet is now full, and I like everything in there, and I've got a grand selection of things.

So I am putting myself on a clothes-shopping ban! But it's going to be tough, so I've got steps and an action plan, and reminders to help myself stick to it!

#1. Remove Temptation // Unsubscribe from those email updates! Ruche, Modcloth, Anthropologie. Even Bon Look & Coastal & Firmoo have got to go, because I treat eyeglasses like fashion! It is way too easy to buy stuff online nowadays, so I do it far more often that I should. I'm hoping that if I stop getting emails sent directly to me, showing me the latest, greatest, cutest and ON SALE items, I will be less inclined to click "Buy Now"

#2. Fun Savings Plan // Every time I feel the need to buy something, put that money into a jar instead with a big fancy reward attached to it. Like a new watch, or a trip out west. This will be difficult, especially because most of my clothes purchasing happens online, where actual paper money does not transfers hands. But I think it's worth a try, and a reward to look forward to at the end of my self-imposed ban is pretty sweet!

#3. Wardrobe Remixes! // I actually have a very full and complete closet, which has never before been the case in my whole fricken life! And I am getting really good at choosing individual pieces that still go with what I have at home. And I work on putting together my outfits for the whole week on Sunday night, so I have time to try new combinations, and make sure every piece gets worn. And this helps keep me from getting bored with everything that's in there.

Goal: Set!
Action Plan: Put in to action!

I think I'm good to go....wish me luck!

later loves