Life Lessons aka I'm An Old Lady Now And I Know Better

I turn a new age next month. And I find that with every turn around the sun, I gain some new insight into my life, and life in general. Here is my latest!

People aren't going to ask me to hang out. That's just how it is with me. Whatever. It's still tough on my ego, but I've learned to accept it.

You know what else I've learned. There is abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING stopping me from texting everyone in my damn contacts list, and Facebook messaging everyone I think is cool, and asking them to hang out with me.

Where da FUCK did this newfound devil-may-care attitude come from? Who knows?!

I do know that I am way more confident now than ever before. Part of this is because I am now a non-married person (it's complicated...). But part of it is just getting older and learning more about people.

People live in their own little bubble. Work - home - kids - work - gym - family - work - family - kids - "other commitments"

That's what's in everyone's heads, not just mine, not just yours! And that's okay! And so people forget to email you back, or are busy 9 nights a week for three months. But the least you can do is ask to meet in 4 months. And be patient. And send reminders. And try not to be too much of a dick. Because people want to hang out with you (you're really cool!), but sometimes you've got to make it easy for them.

Back when I was a young pup, and people would tell me that the worst that could happen is you hear "No". YES! THAT'S THE WORST THING OMG OMG PANIC ATTACK!

But now, I'm more like "I DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER BITCHES! I'M GOING TO HOUND YOU UNTIL YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND! CAUSE YOU'RE COOL AND WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS AND LET'S DRINK BEER AND CHAT OR MAYBE JUST HAVE A SODA THAT'S COOL TOO!"

I am also way more in tune with my anxiety now. I can recognize it coming a mile away, and I am so comfortable saying "no thanks...my anxiety is sitting on my chest like a damn lady elephant so I can't hang out a big party where I know zero people tonight thanks!" if the need arises. Which means I can also recognize and sympathize with and appreciate when someone gives me that same answer.

Me Now: We're cool friend. I'm thinking about you. I love you. And I can help you with that damn pushy elephant any damn day. Especially over beers. Or G&Ts. I have a big deck. I'll text you.

xo

I miss...I love...

Last week A couple of weeks ago now Nadine posted a "Currently" list. And one of the items on her list was "battling the comparing game dialogue - she can make it work and makes it look easy, why can't I?"

I think about that shit all the time. But it's getting better, and less bitter. And more worldly even. Huh.

I know that very few people have it "all". I have met many people in my life that appear on the surface to have all the money, freedom, looks, luck, brains, nannies that they could possibly desire and they still are worried and self-conscious about something. They play the comparison game as well.

I thought I would do a little exercise here in self-exploration and expose some of those comparisons I make within myself. Sometimes it doesn't even take an external force for us to start comparing and complaining about what we have or do not have. (Or want...)

P.S. I might come across as a wee bit of a narcissist with all the upcoming photos of my gorgeous self, BUT I also think it's a kind of spectacular and necessary thing to splash real life lady-bodies all over the Internet. Like, everywhere. Chubs and all. Especially the chubs.

I miss blogging / I love not feeling stressed and obligated when I miss blogging

I miss having free time in the evenings / I love cooking for BFF and exploring the ravine with Dude

I miss the good old (less stressful) days at my job / I love my job!

I miss the past / I love the choices I've made to get me where I am today

I miss cable (some days...) / I love reading before I go to sleep

I miss the gym / I love working out in my underpants

(Tell A Story Interlude: Sometimes when Lucas is getting dressed - or undressed - he tells me he is going to take off his "overwear" and leave on his "underwear". Yes, it is super adorable. You can say "awwww" and giggle now.)

I miss having my own studio room / I love that I can create (read: make a mess) wherever I want

I miss scrapbooking and Project Life / I love this hobby and am still finding time and space for it in my life on my own terms

I miss financial security / I love being purposeful in my spending & saving, only getting the things I truly want or need

I miss Dude / I love being by myself

I think that this proves that the comparison game is only helpful if you can use it to look inside and see what a truly fucking awesome life you lead!

Or as an excuse to post dorky outfit photos of yourself on the Internet. As if I need an excuse!!

xo Lis

Nothing To See Here

As a person who has struggled with her weight for most of her memory, every day feeling great and "on track" is celebrated! And unfortunately, there is always that lingering doubt and fear that those days are too good to be true.

I have been doing really good for the past three years. Unbelievably good. But for the past six months or so, I feel as though all my good habits are fading and I am getting lazy. And I am forgetting.

I don't believe in diets, and fads, and shakes, and "plans". I don't believe in weighing myself every week. Or ever, really. I believe in eating good, whole food. I believe in moving my body. I believe in sleep, and rest, and calming my mind. I believe that this "journey" (if you want to call it that) is different for every person, and that there is no one size fits all solution. I believe in listening to my body.

And right now my body is saying, "I can't take it anymore".

It seems as though all these HUGE LIFE STRESSES have happened within a couple of weeks of each other. I moved out. My boss (and mentor really, let's call it what it is) went on an indefinite leave of absence. There are new pressures, new schedules to adjust to, difficult conversations to have, and so much "unknowns" to face.

My stress levels are through the bloody roof and I pick this month to let my gym membership expire. Good one Lisa...geeze. And because my stress is so high, I fall back and I forget and I get lazy about the things that I know I need to do to keep myself healthy and strong. Both physically and mentally.

I have learned within the past couple of years that my body and wheat do not get along. "Gluten free" is a popular buzz word as of late, and I realize that it might appear I have jumped on the bandwagon, but remember what I wrote above about listening to my body. Well, when I eat certain foods my body feels like garbage. For days. I am still trying to figure out all the triggers (bread yes, beer no...thank goodness!), but lately I seem to be eating all of them.

That's the stress taking control. ARGH!

I believe in myself, and I know that I can get back on track. I did it before. I know things about myself that I didn't know then.

I also believe that every step is a step forward, and that there are no such things as steps back. Setbacks, maybe. Learning opportunities, you bet!

I just need to remember how far I have come! And how proud I am of myself for getting this far. I need to remember that there are many people who are just as proud of me, and that those people are my support system when things start to crash down around my feet.

Things I know...
- I NEED THE GYM! I can work out on my own just fine, but I need that singular focus that leaving my house and going somewhere specifically dedicated to working out provides.
- I love running. And I really miss it. This is both a physical activity and a meditation for me. And that's becoming even more necessary now.
- I can't eat wheat without it completely messing up my mind and body. No cheating Lisa!!
- Dairy makes me itchy. Really, ridiculously itchy. What's up with that?!
- It takes a strong person to ask for help.
- I still don't care how much I weigh! Ha! Heck, I don't even own a scale anymore!
- I am so beautiful...

I wrote this one for me...

later loves

Scary Flash of Life Before Your Eyes

Four deer crossing the highway.

A semi truck coming towards us.

I thought he saw them. I thought he would slow down.

But he didn't.

It happened so fast.

I do not want to think what would have happened if I hadn't shouted at Russ "there are more! there are more!" and he hadn't started slowing down before we got to the crossing. Those two seconds...

I thought the third deer would stop.

I thought they would all make it.

I thought I would never stop crying. For the deer. For what could have happened.

Today I am (still) grateful for those two seconds.

later loves

Let's talk about being a lady

If you follow me on Instagram you will have seen this sweetheart of a photo pop up in your feed the other day.

Yes, I took a photo in the local grocery store of my "feminine hygiene product".

Yes, I was working with about 4 hours of sleep at this point so I can only sort of be held accountable for my actions.

And so I started my day with this and some interesting google sessions.

This article - "How Normal is Your Period?" - is a great reminder to take note of what is normal for your body. And to seek medical attention when something changes.

And this one specifically reminds you to listen to your va-jay-jay, cause Your vagina is smart and it knows what to do. Yeppers.

It makes me happy when people combine art and a message. But not like a weird vague message or statement on social justice or whatever. Cliteracy reminds us that sometimes art + a message is as simple as a giant, ride-on clitoris. For example.

You're welcome.

later loves

Tell A Story

The other night after I got home from work - with my sweet 10% Tuesday haul - I was coming down the stairs, having changed out of my work clothes and I overhead the following exchange take place between Dude & Russ:

Russ: "Do you want to have one of these croissants with your dinner?"
Dude: "Nope. I don't like croissants anymore."
Me (as I'm walking down the stairs): "What?! WHAT?!"

You see, Lucas fell in love with croissants. He saw them in the bakery case on one of those rare occasions that I took him shopping with me. The two that I bought him on that fateful day were both eaten for breakfast the next morning. And he loved them! He positively gushed about them. They were amazing and delicious and the best things ever.

But it was a brief love affair, apparently. Because all of a sudden he is telling me that he likes Grandma's croissants better (Grandma/Pillsbury) or none at all.

Shocked, I exclaimed: "I thought I would get a giant hug and a big 'Thank you so much Mom! You're awesome!' when I brought them home!"

And then without missing a beat, Lucas walked right over to me and gave me a giant hug, and said "Thank you so much Mom! You're awesome!"

Smart kid. Smart, wonderful, special kid.

Tell A Story...


later loves

If I could live anywhere in the world....

It would be here.

via Gypsy in Jasper

Well, maybe not precisely here, but it would be a place that looked just like that. Insert a tiny cabin, some fishing gear, a giant garden, and some Zombie-killing tools and I'd be set! Wait, would I get a cell signal/the Internet? I might have to re-tool this plan a little. (Wink)

via Chestnut Mocha

Mt. Robson, BC. Taken on our last big road trip, as we were headed for home...

later loves

update: I should have mentioned that you really need to click on those photo sources. These are ladies who have small but successful and beautiful blogs. They are worth a moment of your day to go see what all my fuss is about. Trust me...

Live in the Moment

What to Wear....is preempted for the week. Funny - and serendipitously - enough, BFF & I had a night out already planned for this week! I picked out my outfit - albeit, at the last minute - and brought my camera and was totally prepared to ask him to take a couple of photos of me outside "our coffee house". But when we finally got there, I just wasn't feeling it. I was having a grand old time with my BFF on his birthday, and really wanted to soak up every minute of it.

And not worry about the blog. Or what I was wearing. Or if there was going to be other people in the shot. Or if my makeup was photo ready.

I wanted to really live in the moment. And just enjoy my time with him while we watched a terrible sci-fi movie in an old theatre with "#1 Bruins Fan"! (there's a story there that I might share with you one day...)

So I did. And it was lovely.

So I don't have any "What to Wear on a Casual Coffee Date" to share with you today, as per the schedule. But I do have some lovely memories of a night well spent, and thoroughly enjoyed.

I did snag this rad shot of a tacky 70s robot during the movie.

You're welcome.

later loves

Time Flies...and is stupid

I need to catch up. Catch up my thoughts, and my goals, and my head. I need to be present, and I need to reflect. I need to think less about what is going to happen tomorrow, and more about what is happening right now. I need to plant my feet, and ground myself.

I need a montage.

So...this is March. March was good to me.

Baby shower (Violett is THE CUTEST! Oh my goodness...I can't even...there are no words...) // Nadine is sad to see me go...dude....get it together.

And then we took a bunch of #iamsuchadork photos with Candace's magnifying glass. I love you guys! More than you will ever know....

Date night with BFF. We went for dinner, coffee, saw The Irrelevant Show at the Arden in St. Albert, and then finished the night off at The Bothy on High Street. This was the best night ever....laughs, and good times. This one's a keeper.

Explaining the finer points of Angry Birds to Future Auntie Trish (we miss you!!) // I love shovelling snow!

What to Wear To Work post goes live the day I quit my job!

Painted a fireplace. It's about damn time!

Student led conference...handsome & smart! Future ladies of Edmonton...watch out!

Trying out some Pinterest drinks (I don't like OJ in things...good to know) // More shovelling...geeze March...

 Lots of snow meant more sledding! And more sweet self-timer shots! (to be honest, I miss this already....like, a lot)

 Pinterest In Action! Whoop!

 Go Oil Kings! Lucas was bored pretty much immediately after he finished this snow cone...just before the game actually started...yep. And it went in to overtime!

Date night with my husband? Say what!?!? At my recommendation we went to MKT. Beer was "on sale" ($5 draft for game night) and we had the place practically to ourselves. Delicious burger as big as my face. My kind of night!

I ate a macaron from Duchess Bake Shop. I will never be the same. Also, I will miss Cake Day at work...

Easter Egg Hunts...and some of my favourite people in the whole wide world!

Blowing bubbles...sidewalk chalk (bliss....)

Dorky smiles for the timer! Love it!!

Bathroom renos began! And then stalled right out again (boo!) // Lots of drinks...I heart gin...but I'm not picky!

So this is sort of a Flashback Friday. I mean, I only went back one month, but...whatever. I enjoyed this. I needed this. And there we are, all caught up.

If only Project Life was this easy...winkity wink! Though on that note, with me finally figuring out what was wrong with my printer Project Life begins anew...hazaah!

Do you like to look back on the month that was? Or do you prefer to only look forward, and live in "the now"? Do you enjoy some sort of gin-based drink every now and again?! Do you like me? Do you really like me? (that's the wine talking......)

later loves

Let's Chat

Hanging out for a whole day with Nicole back in September - aside from being the bestest most best Saturday ever - gave me a lot of opportunities to geek out over Blogs. And chat about blogging, and what we like and don't like about certain blogs, and what makes us subscribe (and unsubscribe).

Y'know, I've been blogging for years, and I have way less followers than some ladies who have only been blogging for a couple of months. And truthfully, most of my followers are real-life friends, family, or spammers from overseas! Am I jealous of those upstart bloggers and all their readers? My feelings on that range from "not really" to "heck no". And I'm really okay with that.

A lot of bloggers (new and old) offer "advice" on getting more readers, retaining those you already have, connecting on social media, building your "audience", how to manage comments and giveaways and sponsors and blah blah blah.

I will never ever understand how people can take a blog and make it a business. And I guess those are the blogs that I have started to avoid.

To me, blogs started out as being personal online journals for making friends and sharing your story. And I guess that's kind of where I want my blog to live. I deem my blog a "success" as long as I enjoy writing it, and if I can meet some sweet new friends through it. Some even "IRL"....ermagherd.

I continually turn down (loser) requests for sponsored guest posts that "will really interest your readers"....my ass.....I want to write about things I like and if somebody else out there likes it too, well then shucks. Ain't that just super fun! And if I get some hate mail along the way, well then I'll know I've really "made it." HA!

Please note: Every once and awhile I feel I've just got to get things off my chest. I haven't yet determined exactly what kind of filter I could put on the blog for privacy, etc. That has never really entered my universe of thought, and I doubt it will any time soon. I like to rant in real life, so why the heck shouldn't it spill over here. If you take offence, please send me my first piece of hate mail so I know I'll have really made it!

And yes, I realize this is a super loser post to be putting out here right before Christmas, but it was the only one in my Drafts folder that was pretty much good-to-go! This week has been a gong show for me, working 9 hour days (not including the commute...), leaving and coming home in the dark. Ugh. I really just want to sit and relax, and scrapbook, and hang out with Dude & R! I hope to get some Christmas things under my belt before the weekend, but I'm not holding my breath.

But Christmas is next week! I get to see my brother, sister-in-law and nephew!! I get to hang out with my family, and play games, and drink too much! And snuggle babies! I get to drink homemade nog and watch old movies with BFF!! I'm fricken going to Disneyland! That's a lot to look forward to....and to help me take this week for what it's worth.

later loves