Looking Back - My Journey As A Runner

I fucking hate looking back at some blog posts from a couple of years ago. I can now identify the things I was feeling and thinking that I didn't recognize back then because I was too close, and too filled with doubts and questions. I have now lived their outcome. It's also sad because there were so many things that I was excelling at - despite my broken heart - that I have given up in the years since. Like running.

selfie taken spring (summer?) 2013 - damn fine gams

To be honest, I really love running. And my specific running related goal this year is to start running at least twice a week, increasing to 3 times a week in the spring.

As Jill likes to say, "a goal without a plan is just a wish." So I bought a membership at a gym with an indoor track. And I have an informal ongoing date with BFF to go running together. And I use a running app, and I do watch my time and try to "beat" it every time I hit the track.

And my ultimate goal is to be faster and to run longer distances.

But you'll note I didn't get very specific and include "run a 5k" on this year's list.

This was one of my major goals back in 2013, when I was going through some of the biggest changes of my adult life. I actually couldn't stand being at home, so I would go running every night. It's sad that those circumstances got me in the best physical shape of my life. My ex read my goals on my blog (he never read my blog), and enrolled us in a 5k through his work because he wanted to help me reach my goal. And we ran the 5k together. And it was awesome and sad at the same time.

But I did it! And despite all the other shit that was going on in my personal life, I was so very proud of myself.

And then we ran another 5k together the year after. And again, it was so awesome to have someone I trusted running by my side! But to already have moved on and know that whatever running goals I would set in the future, he wouldn't be part of them...that was sad and coloured the experience for me.

So I include "running" on my 2016 Goals, but I just can't put "run a 5k" on my damn goal sheet. Too much heartache there.

photos from our Colour Me Rad run, July 2014

But I would like to get back there, back to that feeling I had when I completed a 5k with a friend/lover by my side. That was damn fine. I guess it's not just my body that needs the 5k training...it's my heart too.

xo