Monday, November 01, 2010

Red hair. Sheriff! And two lumberjacks??

Happy Day After Halloween...which means my belly is full of candy and my head is full of zombies.

Every Halloween, I get it in my head that I am a different person than I am, and that I can handle watching a zombie movie. And so I watch, and I enjoy the terror and the suspense and the zombie action. And then I pay for it all night long with nightmares and very little sleep.

So I am operating on adrenaline and some flavoured coffee alone at this point in my day. I'm going to have to take a cue from Lucas and go to bed before 9 tonight.

Russ and I watched the premier of AMC's latest series, The Walking Dead. It's about a sheriff in a southern town who wakes up after being in the hospital (for months it seems) alone and unaware of the crap that has gone down since he was shot while on duty. It's AMC so the acting is great and the writing is great and the effects are spectacular and the only downside really is all the fracken zombies. (Note: this video has some GRAPHIC CONTENT and is not suitable for younger viewers. Please use discretion when viewing it at work or at home!!)

So I thought I would do up a mini "Zombie Survival Guide" for you on this sleep-deprived Monday morning. Some of you may be thinking that I'm way passed crazy with this post, but I firmly believe that we will be faced with some kind of "zombie" threat in the future. Maybe not in our personal future, but definitely the future of the earth. With all the superbugs and biological weapons out there now and waiting to be discovered, it would be foolish to think we could escape this. And it doesn't hurt to be a little prepared.

At the first report of zombies...
#1. Find yourself a large, sturdy vehicle. Steal one if you must (the law will have bigger fish to fry at this point).  A big truck with a canopy and a big cab. Not a school bus. A Hummer. Note: this is the one and only time you will ever hear me endorse driving a Hummer. You will need space for supplies and for survivors. Grab some extra gas as well...fill up somewhere right away and fill some extra gas cans while you're at it.

#2. Stock up. Raid a Walmart or Safeway, or your neighbour's pantry. You'll need food and water, extra clothes and blankets. You can always make extra trips for supplies once you're settled in your "bunker", so for now just take what you think you'll need to survive the next two days. Water is the most important thing. If you have big water bottles, fill them up at home. If not, take some from your local grocery store. Bottled water is best, especially because the water supply could get contaminated. If you fill up early, you are probably okay. Grab a first aid kit as well. And don't forget a can opener. You'll also need weapons...

#3. Taking into account that most people don't have direct access to high powered rifles, you're going to need to improvise until you can find one. Screwdrivers and kitchen knives will do the job, but you need to be really close to your target. Grab shovels and pitchforks and baseball bats as well. Once you get moving, stop at a sporting goods store that sells guns. Our American friends will have an easier time of this than us Canucks. Pawn shops are good, but are usually in the dense neighbourhoods where the zombies are most plentiful. If you are packing up while the zombie numbers are still low or have moved out of the area, by all means, make the trip. But if you waited too long, just make do with what you have.

#4. Get the heck out of Dodge. Make your way to the country as soon as you possible can. If the movies have taught us anything, it's that cities are the worst place to be when the zombies come. And do not under any circumstances go to the location that the military and government tell you to head toward. Most likely it will be overrun by zombies early on in the story. The only reason you would go anywhere near it is for supplies and weapons, and only as a last resort.

At some point in time, the phone system is going to go down. So make your calls early. Call your spouse, your parents, your siblings and have a meeting place and time to meet. If they don't make the time, keep moving. If it is easy to go and pick them up (or vice versa), do it but do it fast. Find a CB radio to communicate with other survivors.

If you want to help out other survivors, help them steal a large truck and follow you out. Don't let them into your vehicle unless you know for sure they aren't infected. Common sense people. Also, the more vehicles, the better...this can help get you out of tight spots and you'll have a backup in case one breaks down or is compromised.

If you are really serious about this, you should create a zombie escape plan with your family. Plan how you would get out of your house or your place of work. This is something that I think about on a semi-monthly basis...don't ask...I work downtown on the 8th floor, so I might have to fight my way out of the building. I also plan on stealing keys as I go, so I can yoink a car from the parkade under the building and not risk making my way to my car two blocks away. I would go for Lucas first and trust that Russel can take care of himself until we meet up. There is a military supply warehouse by TM that would probably be a good place to stock up once most of the people have left the area. My step-dad drives a big truck and lives closer to the outskirts of town than me, so my priority would be to get there, pack up, then leave. I would head north as soon as possible, towards the BC border and hide in the mountains. Better chance at finding weapons, and it's less populated, so the chance of the infection spreading up there is lower.

That's all for now...I've been thinking about this topic for the last 10 hours, so my advice is sound. I think I might have to buy one of those Zombie Survival Guides (or just borrow my brother's) to really flesh out my plan. Reading this post back to myself, I know I have officially gone crazy, but it had to be done. I'm going to try and get some real work done today, but I'll probably just keep thinking about my zombie escape plan.

To finish off this most ridiculous post...who doesn't love this Michael Jackson classic? I'm not worried about these kind of zombies, and I love the "disclaimer" at the start (about how MJ isn't promoting or endorsing the occult in any way!)

Happy Video Monday! Sorry I'm so crazy!!

later skater alligator

p.s. I'll be back with an explanation of my post title, and my Halloween update later today!

1 comment:

  1. Awesome Post! We have that show recorded and your helpful tips will help me sleep! Awesome!


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