Friday, September 26, 2014
Autumn Falls Once Again
To be honest folks, I have really been struggling these past few months. Struggling to find a rhythm to my life. Struggling to feel good, to feel satisfied, to not feel like shit every moment of every day.
And that is all I am using from the first draft of this post.
It was really angry, and came from a bitter and sad place. But it taught me that only I can change the attitude that wrote that post. Russel & I continue to try and teach Lucas that he can't blame us for "making him mad", because he has to control his reaction to our actions (and not our actions themselves). And I just need to practice what I preach.
And continually remind myself of it as well.
My parents got me a free trial to a gym for my birthday. I can't wait till that damn card comes in the mail, cause I need it. That's step one....
Anyhoo. That's all for now. I am feeling very very very very very bleak right now, and the future looks stupid and I hate it and I hate everything and I'm mad and sad and depressed (depression lies) and feeling very left out and left behind. But I know it and I'm working on it.
On a side note, do not even think of asking me to make any decisions right now cause that's just a major gong show. It took me two separate trips to the store and about 30 minutes in total to pick out a new toothbrush. I. Just. Can't. Even.