Ponder this why don't ya

So I have been unofficially offered a unique opportunity at work. To say the least. The lady here who does payroll, and A/R, and is the "office manager" so-to-speak, and does a lot of other things I probably don't even know about for both our office and next door, was just diagnosed with breast cancer. yikes. And "they" want me to do her job.

If it wasn't for my awesome Step-Mom giving me the heads up, I would have had no idea what Dr. P. was talking about this morning, but Heather is a smart gal and she knew this would come up sooner rather than later which is why she called me last night with the news. And it seems "they" have already accepted the position for me!

My first instinct is to "just say no!" If I had a background in accounting, or bookkeeping, or payroll I would say "YES". Even if I was good with numbers and being organized, I would say "yes". But I am SO NOT good with numbers and I couldn't organize an office to save my life (just ask Juli, or my husband, mother, sister, Lucas...pretty much anyone who knows me and can talk will tell you this!). But I know the offices will be in a bind without her, and no one is really sure (yet) how long this might be for. I also haven't gotten any clear indications as to the time commitment, or the actual responsibilities involved.

I have tried to do a "pros and cons" table in my mind, but all I see are cons...except for money which I don't like to use to solve employment questions. I would need to get a full-time sitter for Lucas, I would be working everyday (which I am so not used to at all), I would have more responsibility than I have ever had in any job. I have sort of had a job like this before, but it was a Student's Union position at University, so I didn't really take it all that seriously. Payroll wouldn't be so bad, as we are now getting set up to have it done Direct through a payroll company, so that's one thing off my plate, but my plate is still pretty full.

"D" is one of those ladies who knows what's going on because that's her job...and I just would feel lost. I know that the rest of the staff would back me up, and answer questions when I couldn't. Heather says everyone thinks I am awesome...and that makes me wonder what they put in the water here! Also, I am not too sure who recommended me for this.

Things are already changing here because we are getting a new associate in January, meaning I would be working every Friday all day, with patients and everything. That's already a lot of new stuff for me to learn, forget adding this new position.

So in other words, I have no idea what I am going to do. On one hand it would be a good income, I would be with adults all day (not that I don't love Lucas) and it would be a nice real job. On the other hand, I would have to find someone to watch Lucas 5 days a week (sorry Grandma, there's no way I'm putting this on you), and the prospect of working 5 days a week is kind of freaking me out!

Fear of failure...that's what it comes down to. I just had an epiphany. I'm afraid that I will suck it up and make a fool out of myself. Argh! This job would actually be good for me...I don't have to call people. I make decisions based on a set of rules that I don't have to make up as I go along, or just guess at. And I would have an office! Woot! The Lucas-thing will work out. "Do or do not...there is no try." So I will say yes, and I will do a good job, and I will find a sitter for Lucas and I won't worry anymore. After all, it's pointless to worry about things that haven't happened yet. I was worried about the new associate coming on, and all that came out of that was that I would have to work every Friday, which isn't so bad. So this will be okay.