emotion, life, feelings, love, etc.

Sometimes I wonder about this whole blogging thing. But then I remember that I have a hard time expressing myself to people...my true self, my real self. And then I read this post: Nadia. And I remember that I have a hard time revealing my true self to others, and so do those others...

Every hug I receive is accepted with a full heart. Every hug I give is a miracle unto itself and is one I don't give lightly.

I love each and every one of you who read my blog and whom I consider a friend...even though I might not ever tell you. I have come to a realization as I approach the dreaded 30th birthday. I am not good at expressing my feelings. Not to my husband, or my friends. I wish I could tell all of you how much you mean to me, and how deeply I feel your loves and your losses. But I can't. And I don't know if I will ever be able to tell you to your face how much your presence in my life means to me. You have each taught me something about myself that I wouldn't have discovered without you. You have all reached a part of my soul that I thought didn't exist, or wasn't enough to make mention of.,

I want to recognize you by name, to make real your effect on my lif:
-Nadine, because you found true love and you live your life according to your plan and no one else's. Because you are "da bomb"
- Talia, because you love God and your family so much that it is an inspiration in itself that you are so good to your girls and to your husband and your faith, and to yourself. And you are so creative and humble, and refreshing.
- Kim, becuase of our bonding times at TM, and the fact that you have such a beautiful and wonderful son, and a new baby on the way and you have dealt with so much in your young life, and yet you are so wonderful and positive and full of life and hope
- Veronica, because you are so bitchy and awesome, and I can relate to your love life and your sarcasm and your cynicism, but I also know you just want to experience as much as you can and get as much as you can out of life
- Laurie and Nadia because you helped me find the artist within myself and helped to coax it out into the open. And because I can look to you as an example of what I want my life to look like in 10 years. You are such amazing and powerful role models to me and I thank you for that. You have no idea how much you inspire me everyday.
- Chantel, because I never had such an idea of myself when I was your age. You are so amazing and smart, and wonderful, and I don't even think you know it. It's hard for me to hear you say you want to be awesome like me, when I want to just be able to go back in time 5, 6 years and be as confident and mature as you are. And see what my life would be like then.
- K.C. Truth be told, I have a girl-crush on you. You are this talented, amazing woman, in this unsassuming and unknown body. But you are so cool and creative and it just blows my mind...I LOVE YOU! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!! If I was a boy...wait...I've said too much!
- Anam, because you have overcome so much in your life and have fought so hard for all the things you hold dear. I see a lot of myself in you, and sometimes that freaks me out and pisses me off, but mostly it shows me that if you can do it, I can sure try and make the most out of what I have as well. Your girls are so amazing and I can't wait to watch them grow up and become the wonderful women I know they will be.
- Juli, because you are so organized and I can only ever hope to be as "with it" as you are. You are so courageous to follow your dream and put yourself out there to be criticized, but to really make something of yourself that you are proud of and that you excel at so gracefully. You are my hero!
- Jill, because you love with all of your heart, even if that means it might get broken. You give the best boob hugs and I will always appreciate your compassion, especially when I'm feeling down. You make me laugh and make me think at the same time.
- Kara, because you are a woman entrepeneur! WOO! And you are honest and compassionate and loving and you put a little bit of yourself in everything you do. And you are a total sweetie.
- Kirsten, because even though I have known you only a short time, I have come to love your sense of self and your passion for things that move you and interest you.
- Lindsay, because you are so smart and smart and smart, and know so well what you want out of life that I wish I had such sense of self at your age. Plus you are my Saturday buddy and I am so lucky to get to spend one whole day with you every week (more or less!!). Your art is so beautiful, and you create such unique things and you aren't concerned with what is in style or "cool"...you just do what feels right!
- Lisa, the other, because you share my name and you are a mom and you deal with the same things I seem to deal with. And that makes me feel a little less alone in the Universe. And I have always loved your scrapbooking style...have I ever told you that? You have an unassuming way about you, but I know that mind of yours is always going, thinking of new ways to do things and smarter ways to scrapbook. Plus, I have a feeling that my attitude towards being a stay-at-home-Mom is similar to yours...
- Kennedy, because even though I give you a hard time, I want you to know that you need to find your self and your heroes and your role models and that there is such a big world out there for you to experience and figure out...on your own. Don't let anyone's opinion of anything get in your way.

Feelings...too much for me. Must stop now and get Lucas to bed.

I LOVE YOU!

Sorry for the sappy post...am feeling a little existential tonight. Hopefully I will get creative tonight and post something a little more "useful" later. My Techneek is up, so check it out.

later