I turn a new age next month. And I find that with every turn around the sun, I gain some new insight into my life, and life in general. Here is my latest!
People aren't going to ask me to hang out. That's just how it is with me. Whatever. It's still tough on my ego, but I've learned to accept it.
You know what else I've learned. There is abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING stopping me from texting everyone in my damn contacts list, and Facebook messaging everyone I think is cool, and asking them to hang out with me.
Where da FUCK did this newfound devil-may-care attitude come from? Who knows?!
I do know that I am way more confident now than ever before. Part of this is because I am now a non-married person (it's complicated...). But part of it is just getting older and learning more about people.
People live in their own little bubble. Work - home - kids - work - gym - family - work - family - kids - "other commitments"
That's what's in everyone's heads, not just mine, not just yours! And that's okay! And so people forget to email you back, or are busy 9 nights a week for three months. But the least you can do is ask to meet in 4 months. And be patient. And send reminders. And try not to be too much of a dick. Because people want to hang out with you (you're really cool!), but sometimes you've got to make it easy for them.
Back when I was a young pup, and people would tell me that the worst that could happen is you hear "No". YES! THAT'S THE WORST THING OMG OMG PANIC ATTACK!
But now, I'm more like "I DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER BITCHES! I'M GOING TO HOUND YOU UNTIL YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND! CAUSE YOU'RE COOL AND WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS AND LET'S DRINK BEER AND CHAT OR MAYBE JUST HAVE A SODA THAT'S COOL TOO!"
I am also way more in tune with my anxiety now. I can recognize it coming a mile away, and I am so comfortable saying "no thanks...my anxiety is sitting on my chest like a damn lady elephant so I can't hang out a big party where I know zero people tonight thanks!" if the need arises. Which means I can also recognize and sympathize with and appreciate when someone gives me that same answer.
Me Now: We're cool friend. I'm thinking about you. I love you. And I can help you with that damn pushy elephant any damn day. Especially over beers. Or G&Ts. I have a big deck. I'll text you.
xo
Getting people to commit is hard but it fucking shouldn't be! I've been asking myself lately.. a lot lately "When did we get so fucking busy that we have to schedule friendships!"
ReplyDeleteIt's sad but I'm not excluded from this. I get anxiety when someone asks me to hangout and quite frankly I think it's weird. Or I reply "yes" enthusiastically and then freak out for days wondering how I can get out of going. Then I don't want to be a weirdo/ditcher/baby and I go and I always have a good time. It's exhausting.