Nothing To See Here

As a person who has struggled with her weight for most of her memory, every day feeling great and "on track" is celebrated! And unfortunately, there is always that lingering doubt and fear that those days are too good to be true.

I have been doing really good for the past three years. Unbelievably good. But for the past six months or so, I feel as though all my good habits are fading and I am getting lazy. And I am forgetting.

I don't believe in diets, and fads, and shakes, and "plans". I don't believe in weighing myself every week. Or ever, really. I believe in eating good, whole food. I believe in moving my body. I believe in sleep, and rest, and calming my mind. I believe that this "journey" (if you want to call it that) is different for every person, and that there is no one size fits all solution. I believe in listening to my body.

And right now my body is saying, "I can't take it anymore".

It seems as though all these HUGE LIFE STRESSES have happened within a couple of weeks of each other. I moved out. My boss (and mentor really, let's call it what it is) went on an indefinite leave of absence. There are new pressures, new schedules to adjust to, difficult conversations to have, and so much "unknowns" to face.

My stress levels are through the bloody roof and I pick this month to let my gym membership expire. Good one Lisa...geeze. And because my stress is so high, I fall back and I forget and I get lazy about the things that I know I need to do to keep myself healthy and strong. Both physically and mentally.

I have learned within the past couple of years that my body and wheat do not get along. "Gluten free" is a popular buzz word as of late, and I realize that it might appear I have jumped on the bandwagon, but remember what I wrote above about listening to my body. Well, when I eat certain foods my body feels like garbage. For days. I am still trying to figure out all the triggers (bread yes, beer no...thank goodness!), but lately I seem to be eating all of them.

That's the stress taking control. ARGH!

I believe in myself, and I know that I can get back on track. I did it before. I know things about myself that I didn't know then.

I also believe that every step is a step forward, and that there are no such things as steps back. Setbacks, maybe. Learning opportunities, you bet!

I just need to remember how far I have come! And how proud I am of myself for getting this far. I need to remember that there are many people who are just as proud of me, and that those people are my support system when things start to crash down around my feet.

Things I know...
- I NEED THE GYM! I can work out on my own just fine, but I need that singular focus that leaving my house and going somewhere specifically dedicated to working out provides.
- I love running. And I really miss it. This is both a physical activity and a meditation for me. And that's becoming even more necessary now.
- I can't eat wheat without it completely messing up my mind and body. No cheating Lisa!!
- Dairy makes me itchy. Really, ridiculously itchy. What's up with that?!
- It takes a strong person to ask for help.
- I still don't care how much I weigh! Ha! Heck, I don't even own a scale anymore!
- I am so beautiful...

I wrote this one for me...

later loves